Look at the Bright Side

Kepping up with the news? If so you’ve seen footage of the terrible flooding in Iowa and other midwest states. And as usual the news only reports the dreary side of matters. And they only interview the depressed woman saying ‘We lost everything, it’s all gone.’ Boo fucking hoo. Why don’t you look at the bright side. You now have the countries largest water park. If you got the whole town together you could play the most populous game of Marco Polo the Guinness Record people have ever seen. The fishing is probably awesome. You could start the first boat through fast food chain, selling the awesome fish you just caught. Take the time to teach your kids to swim, and snorkel. Water polo. Start training for that olympic sport where all the people dance in the water. Re-inact the Hollywood blockbuster Water World and cast yourself as the lead role played by Kevin Costner. Better yet turn your neighborhood into an actual Marshal Law scenario where the fist rules all. Use your fat neighbor as a buoy. Water volleyball. Play Jaws style pranks on people. Fake an Ogo Pogo (Loch Ness Monster) sighting. Speed boat joust with oars. Or just get on a floatation devise and see where the wind takes you. There are so many favorable possibilities to just sulk and soak in your “losses”. I mean you may never have to drop your pants to pee again. Just do it like kids in a pool. Besides you brought this on yourselves. Forcing over half the country into a Daylight Savings Time plan. That sounds like a banking option. We’ve had to deal with throwing our lives into disarray twice a year for you selfish pricks and your damn ears of corn. I don’t even like corn. Not to mention hogging all of the caucus attention every four years, and now you’re forcing auto makers into building cars that run on your bio-fuel bull shit. You had this coming for a while, the least you could do is make the most of it.